In our love relationships security and trust are the foundations to feeling at ease and secure. When those things are comprised either through, stress, illness, an affair, or other traumatic event it can leave us in a tailspin. In response to the disconnection and uncertainty we can “act out” in certain ways. We can become very needy, angry, distant, or any and all of these in order to elicit some type of response to engage our partner again. To have them give us the feedback that they still care and our with us.
How We Get Triggered In Relationships.
With all this in mind it is easier to see how a flirtation at work party with a coworker while your partner is present, or a extended time away from your partner, can create fear and uncertainty that can trigger our needs for closeness and reassurance from our partners.
Couples Can Learn To Attend To Each Other’s Attachment Cues.
By learning the triggers that elicit feelings of insecurity with your partner couples can better attend to one another and their needs. Much of the time it isn’t a rational process that takes place, but rather a more primary emotional response to what the person perceives as a threat to their relationship. So, in order to counteract this perceived threat the partner could simply remind their partner, through eye contact, genuineness, kind touch, that they are still with them. That the attachment and their bond together are secure. This can be so fast, and so powerful in addressing the fear and uncertainty that is driving the “acting out” behavior.
When We Feel More Certain In Our Relationship Our Anxiety Diminishes.
If one can address the fears and anxiety through meeting their partner in emotional responsiveness, the perceived threat of the relationship and distress will diminish. When that anxiety and fear about the relationship and the strength of the bond diminishes both partners are able to feel more available to other endeavors in their lives. Knowing that their primary love relationship is secure. This knowledge is almost like a home base, or foundation of sorts, that make for partners in healthy relationship to feel more confident about themselves and their lives.